Saturday, October 05, 2002

I guess a night's hard patying wasn't very good for my getting-sick-ness. Felt like death las night when I got home. The night itself was good though. Spanish sangria night, followed by the Venue. My friend from the Bahamas was DJ'ing, hence, much dub. I was satisfied. The feel-good feelings I had were kinda killed by the Fresh Off The Boat (FOB's) Africans who had just discovered cigarettes, alcohol and free punnany. And somewhere in their warped excitement they thought that's what they would get from me and my friends. 'What a pretty name' and 'teach me how to dance' are loser lines. Harmless though. It was when I caught one or the entire group of them staring at us. With beady, hungry, sex-starved eyes. There was even a point when about 4 of them were lounging on a couch right by us and wouldn't let anyone pass and disrupt their view. Yuk yuk yuk!!! I felt naked or sumthin. The place was ram-off too, so moving and dodging them wasn't easy. Imagine, dudes got offended when I said I wouldn't give them my number. It's like the new fad, get mad if you don't get number.

Anyway. Been in bed most of today, trying to recover. And thinking a whole lot. Which is a very dangerous thing for me. I finished my novel, 'Nectar in a Sieve' which was depressinng and refreshing at the same time. I wish I could think and act like that sometimes.

It takes a little time sometimes, to get your feet back on the ground.
-Amy Grant
posted by Tanisha Cross at 2:06 PM Comments []

Thursday, October 03, 2002

CANCER:
>>Thursday, October 3

As long as you are actually (and not just conveniently) content with a
setup, bueno. However, should you harbor doubts as to its efficacy or
productivity, you are strongly discouraged from stuffing these qualms
into a container and throwing it into the back of your utility closet,
and are strongly encouraged to deal with them instead.
Today's star rating: **

Today realised that the job arenas open to me (if I follow what my degree is) are not areas I want to go into. Anthropology at its best and most useful is applied anthropology, which means workiing ini the field. As in relocating to Vietnam to do a report on social structures to aid government organisations or NGO's to process with developmet plans. I would be useful, because I would have the tools to communicate with the society and see which ways are best to go through with whatever the plan is. I hate the word development, but I can always work against famine, natural disasters - you can't just traipse into certain places without taking into account taboos, religion, practices, etc and just start buliding factories and railway stations. You gotta know the people. I mean, in Indonesia people work from like 5 am and are done by 9 because of the heat of the day, so you can't hire people to work at hours after that. You can't contribute flour and wheat to a country who's main starch is rice. What would they do with it?

Well, whatever. I just really don't want to live a life where I don't have a home and move every few months. Even though I have a feeling that's how I'll end up.Can't I just teach dancing to little kids somewhere I can call home? I guess I'll have to see what happens after this year.

*The Princess contemplates her life's future*
posted by Tanisha Cross at 3:42 PM Comments []

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

Cigarettes can kill

All I did was sit in the foyer of one of the colleges, in the direct fire line of people who were smoking, and I'm getting sick. Very sick. Don't even want to eat (but it's not that bad yet, I still had my microwave chinese - healthy) and I am soooo tired. I didn't even want to shop, and I actually NEED the jeans I was looking for. I just couldn't be bothere with finding the right size, trying it on...

Vagueness will drive me nuts. I like to know (yeah, so I'm nosey, and WHAT?) When I know there's something going on/bugging the person/on the mind that has to do with me, and I'm not filled in I conjure my own strange, and very often alarming, reasonings. For example. Dude working in shop where I go asking for a job says, ' erm.. well.... sorry I can't help you.' What do you MEAN I can't get the job, is there a booger in my nose? Is it cuz I have a backpack on my back, and that's just not sophisticated enough for the positions you're offering?? I mean, bare junk goes through my head. Now that I can see it on screen it just looks stupid. But I'm like that. I need to hear the logical stuff before my imagination kicks in.

And Lord help us when it's my paranoia. When my parents go out, and don't come back till late, and don't call, I'm freaking out. I can see mangled cars and smoke. Well, that started after Tanya, so I guess it's reasonable. Until it takes me over. If you don't call when you say you will, I may be in hysterics by the time I hear you. I just couldn't take it again...

Well anyway.

In other news. London housemate didn't actually get into a fight that day, he just rammed his fist int a wall. Hmmm... I don't actually think that's a better thing.

I think I'll go bed soon. I'm sneezing and my body hurts. Just great.

*and off goes the sick and unclued-in Princess*
posted by Tanisha Cross at 7:07 PM Comments []

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

My heart!! O dear me... I now spent nearly 40 POUNDS on text books. Good grief. I am so incredibly broke... and I'm spending what is now a total of 50 quid on frikkin books! They better be danmed useful.

It's all about trying to get a job now. Although I have the feeling no one will want to hire me, something about being foreign and a student who may pick up and leave at any time... Whatever. Doesn't hurt to try.

Seems like if your neck's not breaking from trying to make the money, you're breaking your neck from lack of it.

I may have to go back on that diet of bread and water like when I was in Spain. That was harsh. Makes me realise things can always be worse. *knock on wood*


posted by Tanisha Cross at 2:28 PM Comments []

No, no, the name is Jean Jaques Rousseau who spoke of the 'noble savage'. Must have the facts straight...


posted by Tanisha Cross at 12:53 AM Comments []

So I just stepped in from yet another girlie night out to find a very drunk and very bruised housemate in my kitchen. Our neighbour (we always have other people in our house) was serving him coffee. His hand was swollen, blue/green and bloody, his bowtie was ripped and he was looking a mess. Obviously got in a fight. Something to do wth rugby and walking home for 20 minutes... I don't know and I didn't stay to find out. It was the way he was asking me questions, looking me in the eye with that strange strange look... I was fairly terrified. He's a sweetheart when sober though. I guess he's not good with drunk British rugby players (although he's one himself). Hmmmm....

*sigh* Welcome back to the world of the Brits. I saw a guy get his face kicked off once in London. We were waiting in line to go to a club, and these random dudes were just walkin by in a group. Suddenly, one dude was on his own and the others just started beating up on him. we all thought they were messing around, until one broke a bottle on his head, which knocked him to the ground. Then one of them looked like he was running away, but he came charging back to kick the poor bloke in his face. If you see blood. And this is all going on 5 steps in front of me and my cousins. We literally saw face vanish and be replaced by gallons of blood... The club bouncers had to rush him into the club to protect him while they called an ambulance. It happened so fast, and no one knew what would happen. Or else fight woulda been stopped before.

That's just one of those images you wish you could forget, but stay with you always. This guy screaming and holding his head together at my feet. I felt so sick. The kinds of things one human being cann do to another. It's amazing. I've seen the most ridiculous fights started over the most ridiculous things.

Reminds me of my lecture today, when an early ethnographer was quoted as saying 'the cannibalism of savages was far better than the cannibalism of the Spanish Inquisition... It is far better to rip apart the flesh of a dead man, than to rip him apart while alive..' and so on and so forth. What was his name? Montaigne? Yeah that's it. French dude, trying to define the 'noble savage'.

Well anyway, I hope this was a one-off. He's very regretful. Looks very ashamed of himself. We'll see.

It's all good.


posted by Tanisha Cross at 12:26 AM Comments []

Sunday, September 29, 2002

My horoscope says that the coming week looks better than usual. Better. Most people I know, including myself, have had a hard past few days/weeks. I'm praying for us!

Everything is OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end
posted by Tanisha Cross at 2:39 PM Comments []